I am not only a geek but also a nerd and an introvert. I love being able to dig into books and
data. Research is FUN for me. Social skills have never been my strong
point. I have had a really hard time in my
life understanding social interaction, so to avoid the ‘foot in mouth’ syndrome
that has plagued me most of my life… I have avoided forming close relationships. Don’t get me wrong, I consider a lot of
people my friends at work.. it is just never allowed them to get past the ‘friendly
acquaintance’ stage. This has caused
problems with my career.
As a research geek, I naturally looked for answers. After all, I cannot be the only introverted
nerd in the world. I also have an
autistic son that is a bigger introvert than me. I needed to find answers.
I fired up the web browser and started searching. I came across countless websites, all with
their own ‘unique’ ways to fix the socially inept introvert. Some had scripted conversations, advice on
what to wear, best places to stand at gatherings, how to deal with bullies (a huge problem for
introverts), tips on reading body language, and a whole lot more.
I ordered dozens of books off Powell’s and Amazon. From the old classics ‘How to Win Friends and Influence People’, ‘How to Master the Art of Selling’, and 'The Art of War' to more modern book ‘How to talk to anyone’ and ‘Captivate’. But I found after all the reading and research…
I was still as clueless as I started. I was passed promotions time and time
again, not because of a lack of ability to do the job... but because of the lack
of my ability effectively communicate my skills and abilities.
The thing that was missing from all the books, websites, and
one-day seminars was practice. Not the
practice where you sit alone in a room staring at a mirror or video camera. Practicing
with people. This is where Toastmasters
came in.
Toastmasters is built around the concept of being a better
communicator, on being a better leader, and networking. I started Toastmasters in the late 90s when I
was working as a lead worker in a mailroom of a State agency. Interviews were not going well, and I was
getting a bit depressed. After 4 months I
landed a job as an intake specialist. I
stuck with Toastmasters until I was awarded ‘Competent Communicator(cc)’ and then
I dropped out. I felt I was too busy
with work, being a new dad, and after all, I earned a CC.. what else did I need?
As a geek that came into adulthood with the advent of the PC
and internet, I was a website wizard. I
1st ran a multi-line bulletin boards system (BBS) followed later by some very successful
websites for writers. So when the job for web coordinator came open I jumped at
the chance. I quickly learned about how
underhanded office politics can be. Someone
else also wanted the job and she set up to undermine my creditability. My
attempts to counter her ‘attacks’ left me with egg on my face. My being a web developer is a dream that died
because of office bullying.
I dove myself into researching the job I was doing and being
a parent to a child that has Asperger’s Syndrome and ADHD. The lead worker in my unit retired. There was a backlog of nearly a decade. There was a hiring freeze at my government agency,
so I just rolled up my sleeves and went
to work. It took me nearly a year to get
the backlog under control. When the
position became available, they gave it to someone else. I was crushed, but I pressed forward doing
the best job I could and taught my new co-worker the ropes. They decided the job was too much and they
added a second position. which they gave to someone else. I was at
a loss and really depressed.
My wife suggested I go back to Toastmasters, she even joined
with me. I quickly earned my Advanced Communicator
Bronze. I focused on projects that would
enhance my conversational and networking skills. This also kicked my research into high gear
again. Watching countless TED talks, read more books, went to more
websites. I gave presentations, filled
officer roles, and tried to become more involved.
The next time the position came open, I was able to get
it. I think Toastmasters played a big role
in it. I still feel like an insecure,
socially clueless nerd.. and I still struggle to help my autistic son. Toastmasters has given me the tools and a
support network to continue my journey at being a better communicator. I have a long way to go. It has a very good return on investment in
time and is extremely affordable. If Toastmasters can help me, I feel they can help anyone. I feel everyone should
join.https://excellence.toastmost.org/
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